An awesome, crazy weekend I had with the rabbits. BBQ, horror movies and horror movies and horror movies and vodka and marshmallows and marshmallows and marshmallows and loads of marshmallow. Sunday's world cup, wings and wings and wings and coffee and coffee and coffee but we still all fell asleep during first half and woke up during second. Although I was the only one following WC, I had great company laughing at the falls and all during the match. Evil I know. Cant wait for this coming Saturday for a repetition of last week's. (minus the world cup but plus alot more horror movies!)

Guess what, all of us skipped school and work. BAD BAD BAD

Kbox-ed on Monday and shucks, back to school. ):

Life's just great with friends around. I would say its perfect. Without love affairs bugging me, what more could I ask for? (:

In the process of planning more outings and trips. Gotto work hard and earn more in order to fulfill our fantasies. Just cant wait! oh, and my Melbourne trip too! ♥

xx

Good morning sunshine! (oh, not yet.)

Anyway, I just woke up from the longest nap ever. Since 6pm I reckon? I remember last thing I did was to speak to Alvin regarding Sat's program. Next thing I know, My phone was flooded with 11 Msn Pm(s), 12 smses, 6 miss calls and..16 Fb notifications(nah not impt though).

The thing is, I'm not someone who switch my phone to silent. Someh w, it was on silent when I woke up. Haha ok whatever. Since Im wide awake now, I shall blog about... what made me smile for the last 24hrs. (:

First, Spain won. (YAY!) I know it wasnt a brilliant goal but hey, whatever, Germany is out. Thats what im happy about.
Took a nap for <1 hr and woke up for school. Took a bus and reached before 0830hrs. You really dont see that quite often from me, do you?
What happen next shall remain confidential but It was a real touching moment. It was like, at the point of time, I wish he was right in front of me. I could give him a good hug and tell him how much I missed him.
Class almost ended when A and S surprised me outside my class! Cant help but ran out of class. haha A good catch up. LASTLY, While I was smoking with the boys, Terry called. My one yr internship has been altered into 6mth FUCKING months. JUST HOW AWESOME IS THAT?! At the moment I knew I just had the best day of my perhaps many months. I forgot I was heartbroken, and now Im all good. Well at least the person I wanna share with wasnt him.

I cant wait to execute my plans, cant wait for holidays to travel, cant wait for September!

Sweet, just sweet. I still cant stop smiling.

Celebrations in few hours time. Besties coming over for dinner- Steamboat & BBQ. I cant wait.

Time flies, its the 2nd last match showing live on channel 5. Honestly, I kinda lost count of the days passing by. It's probably close to 3 weeks since I saw Tigger. Well, the ironic thing is, I miss him but he doesn't feel the same. However, its been good I reckon. Being busy with school, having new friends here and there has somewhat helped in trying to forget a person. Nonetheless, at the end of the day when you end up being home, your mind starts working again, unnecessarily. For instance, Im missing him now.

To be precise, I'm determined but I don't have sufficient aspiration to carry thru. Till I meet someone new, better, I'd probably keep thinking about him all the time. Shucks. How I wish I am less devoted. How I wish I was just playing.

Spain ftw. Good night.

Its 5th July, Monday. School's gonna start in few hours. However, I just got home from walking along town the whole night and having no fun singing at Kbox. This heavy heart is bringing me down to the lowest. I cant believe this is happening. I cant believe all the thing we've been thru, or rather, I have been thru has become history. You claimed it was beautiful, you claimed you loved. What's going on now? You just leave me to die like this. What did I do? I just dont fucking get it. Yes, I'm tired from trying, but I've yet gotten myself ready to let go. In fact, I never did want to let go. You forced me to. You were so cold towards me, you hardly even bother. What on earth am I supposed to do?

I have completely no mood for school. I'm feeling too awful to even do anything. The last time I felt this was perhaps 7 years back, when my first boyf ditched me for other girl. Is that what its happening?

I could die of misery right now. I miss u so much but you dont even fucking give it a damn. Yes, that is it. You threw me away for the second time. Dumb, just dumb.

='(

Its half time for Spain and Paraguay, short update perhaps.

Prior to the match, I finally decided to do myself a slight favor. I kept baby tigger in a storage box, instead of resting it on my bed. Afterall, the sight of it reminds me of him. Hah. Also, gotten rid or anything related in my laptop and mobile phone, except mobile number of cos. See, I'm trying my best.

As for JR, time and time again I let him down. I dont know, but honestly I dont think I'm at fault? Everyone deserve a choice I reckon. I chose not to give it a try. Despite telling him that from the very beginning, he doesnt really seem to get it. Penny for a thought, I wish T rejected me and like I rejected JR. Things would have been much much easier. It wouldn't have caused so much pain.

It's Sunday! Karaoke and mini shopping for school stuffs tomorrow with Jx and L. Monday, school time. I'm not happy about the trainers at all, except for a few and of cos my eye candy, Mr Paul! hehe. Well, he's like Brad Pitt, old but charismatic.

Thats all for tonight, GO SPAIN GO!

42 Below, 7 different flavours of Vodka. Awesome hot bods.
JR asked for movie a dinner. Rejected for the 4th time.
Bumped into Rickson while closing bar. Asshole, laughed at me for wearing skirt.
Tipsy, me and shah walked into glass door.
Forbidden City, S came to look for me.
Usual arguments with J. convo ignored, always ended with 'bye'.
L msged, encourages me to give up due to my utter emo-tweets.
Mixed emotions, S cheered me up. Almost cried but tears held back.
I let myself away on the dance floor, I kicked a guy out of angst.
I left the place early to Balestier, wab gathering.
R, E, A, was there. Safe and sound. A lil' heartbroken.
Left for home, shagged.

Lesson learnt: No sleep, no drinks. Angry, dont dance. Last but not least, dont disturb a person's rest.

Outcome: I lost myself. I have never wanted to quit smoking, let alone quitting for someone. Howver, I wanted to quit for u. You dont want me to club, I'll stop. I was willing to change to anything you want me to be. Apparently, even this doesnt work.

Special thanks to S. I hope to see you tomorrow. =)

World Cup fever.

Nothing fascinating, really. However, it's a good thing it happened now. Due to unplanned term break, I practically live life day by day. Pathetic, totally.

Having said so, time flies, and school's starting really soon. When it does, everything have to be forced back to usual square. Honestly, I'm lost. I have no idea what to expect after 6 months. Where do I wanna do my intern at? What i wanna do? Which department do I wanna be at? Completely no idea. Doomsday, yea.

I dont know what else to blog, nothing else are important for now.

Dreamcatcher, is all i'm yearning for. WHERE TO GET IT?!

Just like anyone else, I start thinking when I'm walking down the streets alone. I lost myself. Mychelle 1 yr back and Mychelle now is completely two different person. Mychelle used to be full of aspiration, but now, she's living life day by day. Disappointing. Even mom's disappointed in her. Fuck, she needs to be found, be slapped and she needs to wake up, right now.

Damn, but where should I start? ='(

Full of rage. Urgh.

You can ignore my feelings, I'm fine. It's ok becos I'm willing to listen. But please, dont take it for granted. I fucking hate the way you talk to me in the car, like I fucking owe you. PLEASE, dont do this. It's just fucking unfair.

SIGH. FML for being nice. YES, FML.

Past one week was crazy. So many things happened, so much learnt. Whether or not its a good thing, at least everyone is sure of what exactly is going on. Complicated it might be, somehow one faithful day it will all be resolved. It's either someone gets someone, or no one gets anyone. Simple.

Tonight especially, was like a game of match it! Where everything was placed on the table, we matched every single details to reveal an ugly conclusion. Disappointed, of cos, but it definitely was a kind of relief, all the assumptions and questions resolved. I felt like let a massive weight off my chest. However, since it's already happened, why brood over it? Let bygones be bygones, and move on. That's life.

Truly, actions always speak louder than words. For the act he did, that showed how much she mean to him. It's not a bad thing. For my part, I'm done with it. Hurt or not, it's already over. I gave my blessings, and hope he finds her, wherever she might be. That definitely was a harsh but noble move. However, i believe many people hope they'd patch things up. They would be so happy. Hence, all the best!

This incident has taught us all a lesson- Cherish your loved ones before its too late. Well, I certainly hope it's not too late for him though.

I've regretted mine, and there is nothing I could do about it. Hence, reckless actions is not wise.


Till then, good night!

Nothing lasts forever. True that. Something so beautiful has been put to an end. So soon I thought it was still fresh. All the memories seem like just yesterday. Overnight, it has become our history. I certainly miss him like shit, I cant deny. I miss all the time we had, all the vulgars we threw at each other. It was perfect. I never came across someone who's so similar. It's just amazing. I saw future, he agreed. However, I guess the only problem is- We met at the wrong time. Y'know what, I really cant complain much, I'm in no position to do so. At the same time, I hate to give my blessings. Well, I was once caught in a situation like this and I regretted it completely becos I did not take enough time for consideration. I just went in harshly and ended up regretting.

To date, no one ever forgotten the incident. Few nights back, arguing across the table, I realized how much I've hurt him. How much I've brought him down. That, I only realized 4 years later. Pathetic. I started wondering if I'm the cause of him today. He told me, " If not for you, I wouldnt be what I am today." (That is not a positive remark.)

I'm sorry A, I know sorry wont help much but I really am. I'm thankful that despite all that have happened, you still cares alot for me. I appreciate that, totally.

Back to the original issue, I've reach my limits. As much as I really want to wait for you silently. I ought to save some pride and dignity for myself. Take your time to think about what you really want. Although I'm not 100% certain, Im pretty sure you already have the answer. I'd be glad if you could stop denying and tell me straight at my face. It's been miserable.

All the best to you T. You have my blessings.

Till then.

"Okay dear, but you must know that right from the start, I really really love you and I'm not playing you at all. I really enjoyed all the times and all the fun we had together. No doubt about that at all. I enjoyed every moment with you. But Dear, right now I'm caught in this situation and I need to sort out my thinking and know what I really want. I know a sorry wont help but I really am. Let me sort out my thinking ok? Dear, I miss you. Good night."

This was what he told me last night. When I woke up, his pm was "All said and done, no looking back from now onwards."

Tell me, what does this mean. I'm so lost. ='(

Miserable much. I'm completely lost. I dont know what I should do. Distracting myself away from the picture of him in my mind, I seem to lose myself. Perhaps Serine's right. Compromising from the beginning is important, otherwise it'll never happen. However, if they are happy, I will give my blessings and leave the league. I mean it.

Expect the unexpected.

Recently, things' been rather sneaky. I dont know, just felt so. In my history, anyone hardly came by to remind me about choosing a partner. Just this week, 2 guys whom I dated came along reminding me about it. I mean, why? Random or what, I'm not sure. But certainly I felt some awkwardness when they do so.

Honestly, relationship is minor. Anyone can live without it. I dont see any big deal about having to live in one. I always thought being single is best for me, perhaps. Then again, time after time, I meet more and more people (guys in particular I dont know why).

Perhaps Serine was right. I'm unintentionally sending signals out to people. I didnt mean to do so, surely. I'm just extremely outspoken! Talking to the opposite sex doesnt mean flirting!

Hell, I dont know. Things are getting confusing. I dont need these attention from y'all. I appreciate the care and concern people are giving me. However, they have to understand a reply is an acknowledgement, not a green light to anything.

Well well well, What's God trying to do to me? I am harmless, really.

Penny for a thought, signing off.

你曾说不想有天让我知道
你对他有那么好
你说会懂我的失落
不是靠宽容
就能够解脱
我以为
我出现的时候刚好
你和他正说要分开
我以为你
已对他不再期待
不纵容他再给你伤害
我以为我的温柔
能给你真的愉悦
我以为我能全力
填满你感情缺口
专心陪在你左右
弥补他一切的错
也许我太过天真
以为奇迹会发生


我以为终究
你会慢慢明白
他的心不在你身上
我的关心
你依然无动于衷
我的以为 只是我以为

Well, its been awhile since I updated. I dont usually do so unless I have unspoken emotions or thoughts. As always. Recently, a lot have happened. Good or bad, I dont know. However, eventually it left me empty. Perhaps falling in love is just not my thing anymore. Perhaps, I dont even need them. Time and time again, I fall and hurt myself. I ask myself if it is all worthwhile, but I was never able to answer.

How about feeling like a replacement? How about living a beautiful lie? How about giving your all for something that will never turn out positive? Have you actually thought of it? Have you actually think about the consequences?

I guess not.

Apparently it feels like I just came home from a short getaway. Great afterall. With a past history of being only drunk once, I updated it with another. Having said that, I was no Jackass. Other than crying for help during the "circle of death"game, I slept soundly after few glasses of I-got-no-idea. Not sure if it was a good idea for bringing 151 to Lincoln's chalet. It killed practically all of us on his 2nd night. Everyone involved in the game was down, including me. However, I am sure everyone had fun. On a side note, zillion thanks to Jinxing who have been taking care of me thru'out. Sitting by my side like a nanny. I know, for sure, if it wasn't her, I will still be well taken care of.

Unfortunately, I'm back in reality. No idea what's in for 2 weeks of HOTS but I know for sure its a fucking waste of time having to go school daily for just 1.5 hours. WHAT THE FUCK. I know i'm not a quitter but this time I really feel like quitting.

Thats all to update, thats all I swear. Nothing else. I choose to keep it this short. Bye.

Exhausted. Extremely exhausted.

Initially full of motivation, determination and aspiration. To date, I suffer from deficiency of all to keep myself going. To work hard and achieve you completely, or to give and do something which worth better. Definitely a question. I'm just a little too weak, and you're just not that into me.

Guess what, It wont take long.

Mommy,I want this bag from KateSpade.

Too much of sleepless nights and smokes of late, leaving behind chronic cough and infection of lungs and throat. Miserable yes, but unavoidable. Test today was good for the amount of knowledge I have within my brain. Clueless about business statistic and test is on coming thursday, screwed. Shopping tomorrow with loy and jav, iphone perhaps. Still considering whether to take sgd56 or sgd98 plan. ultimately an iphone craze. see saw seen evil on facebook but decided to ignore it as much as possible. Dont wish anything to obstruct what im having at this moment.

tsk, nothing much to update. Chao.

Direct definition of Ego.

1.	the “I” or self of any person; a person as thinking, feeling, and willing, and distinguishing itself from the selves of others and from objects of its thought.

2.	Psychoanalysis. the part of the psychic apparatus that experiences and reacts to the outside world and thus mediates between the primitive drives of the id and the demands of the social and physical environment.

3.	egotism; conceit; self-importance: Her ego becomes more unbearable each day.

4.	self-esteem or self-image; feelings: Your criticism wounded his ego.

5.	(often initial capital letter) Philosophy. a. the enduring and conscious element that knows experience. b. Scholasticism. the complete person comprising both body and soul.

6.	Ethnology. a person who serves as the central reference point in the study of organizational and kinship relationships.

To drop or not to drop? I really have no idea. Ultimately, whatever happens, I want to know that I have done the best I could. Thats all.

This is probably another down peak of my fucking life. Hairball no more, relationship went haywire, and daddy lost my mommy hamster. FUCK MY LIFE. Why is all these happening? Sadih giler tau.
I'm completely lost, I dont know what to do. I dont fucking understand whats going on either. Whats wrong with me, or you? Ignorance is bliss, not. I dislike cold war. I dislike how you ignore me. I dislike the fact that you care but refuse to show. WHY?

I get it now. Ego is the cause of it, and only by dropping it will help. So, what now? Im fucking lost and confused and stress and am having a motherfucking god damn torturing headache.

Well, at least now I'm no longer clueless. Alot of thinking to do. Adios.

Thats it. Thats the end of me. I've never been called shameless in my life. This time, being called by someone whom I loved so badly, whom I cared for to date. Thats just awesome.

I dont know whats running on my mind. Truly, I feel like dying. For things I've not done, and for things I did for love. A wake up call, absolutely.

Im screwed completely. Can you imagine it? IN a week I was slapped by my mom and him. How painful it was, no one will ever understand it. If not for my inner will, I will definitely die and leave this fucking world.

FUCK MY LIFE.

I think I just lost a soulmate. Well, I understand but the feeling of loss doesnt feel good. I'm pretty certain it goes both ways. Nonetheless, whatever good for us both, shall be.

Good night world. Thanks for the bloody sudden storm which scared the shit outta me. Bye.

My blood is probably boiling at 100 degrees Celsius. Just when I decided to love my family more, my mom make it a point to change my fucking mind. Y'know what? I have absolutely nothing against anyone in the family. I just can't fucking stand it no more. All the fucking nonsense that comes out from her fucking mouth is just unbearable. Why should I even fucking bother? Since I'm a trash in her heart, I might as well be a true sincere trash than making a fool outta myself.

YES, FUCK MY LIFE.

I dont know why, but it got me thinking.
I've too many doubts bout almost everything.
Will you be sincere and true?

It might be a little late, but I've got my new year resolution!

1. Clear all my fucking debts ASAP.
2. Spend my money wisely, no cabs unnecessarily, and go for holidays!
4. Although I hate going to school, pay attention this term and score well for it. Same applies to higher diploma.
5. Love my family and my man more.
6. Live life to the fullest!

I hope this entry will keep me reminded for the rest of .. 365 minus 18 equals 347 days.

There you go, comes the end of a week and start of another. Well, definitely a simple Sunday spent. Dinner and movie with loulou at Jurong Point. Daybreakers might not be the best vampires related movie, but it was alright. 3.5/5 I would rate. This also revealed a series of must-watch movies in near future. I suck at names and titles but yea, I wanna watch them. Haha

On a side note, I've decided not to be in the competition. Its not that I'm not up to this challenge, but rather, I'm contented with my life as of now. I don't want no interferences.

Moments ago, I was chatting with Santos. I do feel him, in a way. See, whats the point of staying in a job if you're not loving it. Dragging yourself to work is just not the solution. Nonetheless, he's looking forward to Bali in April, good for him. He offered for me and loulou to join, but thats not possible unless loulou wants to go! Hee shall ask him tomorrow. I hope it doesnt clash with his re-service. =S


Alright, time for bed. School tomorrow. =(

xoxo, with love.

Too much of unsettled businesses.

First, Dream Team 2010. After months of unattended trainings, I'm honestly surprised to still be part of the team. However, I'm unsure. Unsure of whether I should remain in the team, or to leave for good. It's unfair to other candidates. They have been training hard, doing what they should. Me? Staying at home slacking my ass off. It's true that the accident had change my mind, but it was also the reason why it did. I'm really half hearted here. Not that I want glory, I already had, with or without this competition. Nonetheless, the trainers had assured my potential, hence wanting me to remain in the competition and to win glory amongst others internationally. I don't want to disappoint the people who have believed in me. However, I know its very much against my will. I was and I am reluctant to scarify my personally time, my studies and work. The school want me to compete, my mom wants me too. Grrr..tell me, what should I do?!

Next, the offer. Shaugh patrick scully offered me a job couple days back. Well, its good to work under Macro, thats for sure. He's somebody. But I'm happy in helipad, though it might not be the best. I'm satisfied. Probably I will turn this offer down. Y'know what, too many opportunities really do confuse people. Exactly what I'm going through now.

Lastly, everyone have decided to drop the incident behind. Bygones are bygones. Unfortunately, 2 months of effort still went down into the drain. Dont ask me why we're being harsh all the time. I dont have any fucking idea. Apparently we love torturing each other, doing things we hate to witness, and then eventually get mad with one another. Honestly, we're mad over nothing, we get upset over nothing. Its funny. Character clash I call. Its no fun but somehow we do it. Human nature? Backside itchy uh? haha

At the end of the day, I came with a conclusion.

" The hard and harsh made us cherish the sweet ever more."

I hope it does make sense to all.

And....what am I going to do tomorrow?

I thought abit of beer will keep me asleep till the morning sun rises. Sadly, I got up at this hour, amazing. I dont know whats precisely on my mind but its absolutely annoying cos a huge part of me is unaffected, I feel. Hence, I dont see why Im getting insomnia and such. Impromptu.

Perhaps, Im just in denial? Nope.
Or rather, I want it clean and straightforward. Yes.

But im not getting an answer.

It was only the beginning.

Holidays have officially ended. This is probably the last holiday for this year, how sad.

On a happy note, WAVEHOUSE TOMORROW BABBBBBBBBYYYY! wOOOhOOOO!

Master Bill on Mr.Tan, food and drinks. Simply awesome. I know I dont drink, I cant drink, but..its just too dumb not to! Grrr..we shall see. HAHA, damn school on Monday at 830am! I'd probably be late so it doesnt really fucking matter. Hehe

I hope I can sleep COS I wanna get up at 1130 later. Good é bye.

PS, I have finished watching 'Together'. Though I wish there was more, nevertheless, love the ending! Awesome awesome drama. (:

Contradiction is intolerable.
Ignorance is bliss.


Like you mentioned,
reality is bullshit.

With a blink of eyes, comes the end of holidays. 3 more days to the beginning of new school term. Sadly, this would be our last term in school before heading out for internship. How nervous! Im beginning to decide which hotels I should send my resume to. I think I will just send to every good hotels! Whichever accepts me, good for them!

Jokes aside, my wound is healing well, and Im so excited bout eating seafood once again. After 3 pathetic months going seafood-less, I feel like my body desperately lack of Iron and Sodium! Yucks. I'd be planning a bbq session at home! Cant wait just cant wait!

Thank God Its FridayThursday. Blu Jazz session with Evelyn, Terence, Lou Lou and Desmond. Hopefully It wont rain. Prior to that, Mom's appointment at Heart Center. I sincerely hope everything is ok.

Alright, time to hit the sack now. G'night!

xx

Butterflies and hurricanes. If only life is that simple.

Though 2009 is already a past, some things have to be brought forward. Bills Im talking about.
With rapid increase in times of visit to hospital, I foresee the need to have higher control of cash flow. Mommy cant go through these alone afterall. However, I have existing burdens to put an end to. Over a thousand bucks I own, I definitely have to pay back. But I truly hope this is the end, and that I would not need to face such financial problems ever again. Then, I will be able to work and share the burden of upcoming appointment fees mommy have to pay. I didnt forget the fucking attachment I have to go through. Its a fact that I cannot change, so I see no point complaining.

Perhaps I should really consider stepping into property during the one year internship. I do not think so I'd be able to continue working at helipad, my schedule wouldnt allow me to. Well, at least property is very much own time own target.

Its just a solution, an idea. Doesnt mean I will really do it. We'll see what happens.

Cash cash cash, I desperately need cash. Grrrr @#$%&%$
End of January, please come soon.

Ouh, and on a happier note, I'll be staying over at Serine's for 3 days! 22nd to 24th. How awesome is that, I might not work on these days so that I can have my lonesome time with the 3 darlings! Having said that, mmm..I think I still need to work! All becos I need moneyyyy. Darn!
On the 28th would be admond's 2nd event at powerhouse. Javian and Jinxing wont be able to make it. SO unless Boonyong and guys are going, I will give it a miss. =\

Alright, Im desperate to adjust my sleeping time. Hence, byebye, off I go to bed. (unwillingly)

xx

Hurhur, after several attempts to log in, Im here!

Unwanted late nights again. I thought I'd be able to sleep earlier and adjust to a regular sleeping and waking time. Unfortunately, was unsuccessful! Grrr.. School's starting in one week time and I foresee myself being late every single day. Bad as it sounds, Im really trying my best cos its my last term in school, punctuality have to be met.

Honestly, Im utterly disappointed with the school. Having told I wont be able to continue higher dip right away got me extremely mad. Apparently my plans are all unfulfillable. Damn shatec, why are the rules changing every now and then?! I dont care, Im gon check again with admissions on the VERY FIRST DAY of school.

Lou lou is sick! I hope he get well soon.

xx

I've been away for good, trust me. Though year 2009 wasn't awesome, its already a past. Thats the reason why previous posts are all being deleted. Here 2010, which means history is left behind for good, and its time to embrace the new year.
As much as I thought it would be, problems are undeniable. This post is not here to emphasize on it. However, it does help a lil which venting of anger or what not.

Things have happened. All I'm hoping for is, this issue will be forgotten over the weekend. When we meet again, it'll be for good and not for worst.

On a happier note, at least I got my reassurance which I was having doubts on earlier on. Cheers to that.

xx,
mych