World Cup fever.

Nothing fascinating, really. However, it's a good thing it happened now. Due to unplanned term break, I practically live life day by day. Pathetic, totally.

Having said so, time flies, and school's starting really soon. When it does, everything have to be forced back to usual square. Honestly, I'm lost. I have no idea what to expect after 6 months. Where do I wanna do my intern at? What i wanna do? Which department do I wanna be at? Completely no idea. Doomsday, yea.

I dont know what else to blog, nothing else are important for now.

Dreamcatcher, is all i'm yearning for. WHERE TO GET IT?!

Just like anyone else, I start thinking when I'm walking down the streets alone. I lost myself. Mychelle 1 yr back and Mychelle now is completely two different person. Mychelle used to be full of aspiration, but now, she's living life day by day. Disappointing. Even mom's disappointed in her. Fuck, she needs to be found, be slapped and she needs to wake up, right now.

Damn, but where should I start? ='(

Full of rage. Urgh.

You can ignore my feelings, I'm fine. It's ok becos I'm willing to listen. But please, dont take it for granted. I fucking hate the way you talk to me in the car, like I fucking owe you. PLEASE, dont do this. It's just fucking unfair.

SIGH. FML for being nice. YES, FML.

Past one week was crazy. So many things happened, so much learnt. Whether or not its a good thing, at least everyone is sure of what exactly is going on. Complicated it might be, somehow one faithful day it will all be resolved. It's either someone gets someone, or no one gets anyone. Simple.

Tonight especially, was like a game of match it! Where everything was placed on the table, we matched every single details to reveal an ugly conclusion. Disappointed, of cos, but it definitely was a kind of relief, all the assumptions and questions resolved. I felt like let a massive weight off my chest. However, since it's already happened, why brood over it? Let bygones be bygones, and move on. That's life.

Truly, actions always speak louder than words. For the act he did, that showed how much she mean to him. It's not a bad thing. For my part, I'm done with it. Hurt or not, it's already over. I gave my blessings, and hope he finds her, wherever she might be. That definitely was a harsh but noble move. However, i believe many people hope they'd patch things up. They would be so happy. Hence, all the best!

This incident has taught us all a lesson- Cherish your loved ones before its too late. Well, I certainly hope it's not too late for him though.

I've regretted mine, and there is nothing I could do about it. Hence, reckless actions is not wise.


Till then, good night!

Nothing lasts forever. True that. Something so beautiful has been put to an end. So soon I thought it was still fresh. All the memories seem like just yesterday. Overnight, it has become our history. I certainly miss him like shit, I cant deny. I miss all the time we had, all the vulgars we threw at each other. It was perfect. I never came across someone who's so similar. It's just amazing. I saw future, he agreed. However, I guess the only problem is- We met at the wrong time. Y'know what, I really cant complain much, I'm in no position to do so. At the same time, I hate to give my blessings. Well, I was once caught in a situation like this and I regretted it completely becos I did not take enough time for consideration. I just went in harshly and ended up regretting.

To date, no one ever forgotten the incident. Few nights back, arguing across the table, I realized how much I've hurt him. How much I've brought him down. That, I only realized 4 years later. Pathetic. I started wondering if I'm the cause of him today. He told me, " If not for you, I wouldnt be what I am today." (That is not a positive remark.)

I'm sorry A, I know sorry wont help much but I really am. I'm thankful that despite all that have happened, you still cares alot for me. I appreciate that, totally.

Back to the original issue, I've reach my limits. As much as I really want to wait for you silently. I ought to save some pride and dignity for myself. Take your time to think about what you really want. Although I'm not 100% certain, Im pretty sure you already have the answer. I'd be glad if you could stop denying and tell me straight at my face. It's been miserable.

All the best to you T. You have my blessings.

Till then.

"Okay dear, but you must know that right from the start, I really really love you and I'm not playing you at all. I really enjoyed all the times and all the fun we had together. No doubt about that at all. I enjoyed every moment with you. But Dear, right now I'm caught in this situation and I need to sort out my thinking and know what I really want. I know a sorry wont help but I really am. Let me sort out my thinking ok? Dear, I miss you. Good night."

This was what he told me last night. When I woke up, his pm was "All said and done, no looking back from now onwards."

Tell me, what does this mean. I'm so lost. ='(

Miserable much. I'm completely lost. I dont know what I should do. Distracting myself away from the picture of him in my mind, I seem to lose myself. Perhaps Serine's right. Compromising from the beginning is important, otherwise it'll never happen. However, if they are happy, I will give my blessings and leave the league. I mean it.